Hospitality begins with me

My hospitable nature

One new thing that I have learned about myself is that I’m a hospitable person to my friends. I didn’t realize I am until today’s session that I don’t have many boundaries when it comes to hosting friends in my house. Since I was young, I love to invite my friends to my house, be it a 2-room flat in Ang Mo Kio when I was seven or my current 4-room flat in Yishun. My earliest memories of me inviting my neighbours to my tiny 2-room flat was during Christmas period. It was our last Christmas in Ang Mo Kio before we shifted to Yishun. I pleaded with my mother to hold a mini-evangelistic party at my home and she was supposed to share the Christmas story because she was a Sunday School teacher. Haha. So my brother and I invited our neighbours, about six in total. We danced around the brightly lit Christmas tree with the Christmas carols playing loudly from the cassette recorder in the background. Then it was my mother’s turn to “preach and give the altar call”. I dug out all the paper-cut characters of Joseph, Mary, baby Jesus, the shepherds, angels and flannel board she used for Sunday School during the storytelling. One accepted Christ and she followed us to Sunday School the following Sunday. Praise the Lord!

Thereafter, our home was always open for cell meetings or family gatherings. Maybe this was partly due to my parents’ generosity and our large living room as well. My mother would prepare light refreshments for cell members and cook up a storm during family gatherings. As I became older and more grown up, I would continue to invite friends to come to my place to cook and stay overnight during festive seasons. They would either sleep on our mattresses or bring their own sleeping bags to camp in my living room. During Chinese New Year, they came over to learn how to make pineapple tarts. During school holidays, some friends come over to learn how to cook Japanese cuisine. During Christmas, my youths come over to bake cookies and chocolate molten lava cake. I realized I’m not really bothered by the mess in my house. To me, most people’s homes are messy too. As long as I make a point to rearrange the tables and mop the floor after cooking, that is all right. I’m thankful that my mother trusts me with maintaining the cleanliness of the kitchen and living room as well. If not, I won’t enjoy such freedom. I always tell those who come my house that if there’s ever a war, they can come over because I think I have enough food to last for a while. Wahahaha…

Intentional Marginality

One thing I learned that I would consider a lesson for life – intentional marginality. Indeed, if we are always the host, we would never understand how a guest would feel. This lesson was brought home first when I had to visit my friend’s cell meeting from another church for one of our assignments for this module. How refreshing it was to be a visitor! It has been ages since I felt this way. During the visit, all my senses were sharpened. I began to observe more closely and feel more sensitively the verbal and non-verbal cues. From the first introduction and ice breaker games, to worship and sharing of the word, the hosts made sure I was included. I felt welcomed.

Sis Davina offered some examples of putting ourselves in a new situation to understand how it feels and see how others see things. I find sitting in different positions in the sanctuary quite useful. At times, the elderly would comment that the temperature of the air-conditioner is too cold and they had to sit directly below it to avoid getting the chill. One of them is my granny. I should try to shift my position occasionally even though I have to sit in the front row now.

During our group sharing, we also brought up the point that some of us have been leaders for too long and we have forgotten how it felt to be an ordinary church member. We may have overlooked certain points or explained ideas without giving the full picture, presuming that everyone is on the same page. However, some may be lost along the way because they did not have a clear background of the situation. We may also have neglected certain groups of marginalised people in our midst without realizing it. Thus, it is important to move away from the privileged centre once in a while to feel and see like how a stranger would.

Spending time to eat with people

One idea that I have found challenging – spending time to eat with people. Generally, I enjoy meeting up with friends over meals to catch up with one another’s lives. As a sociable Sanguine, that’s part of my personality. However, when I am under the “stress” mode and has many items in my list to check, I tend to wolf down my food so that I can tackle the first item on the list. However, over the past few lessons, I learnt that it is important to spend time to eat with people, especially those who are dear to me. My presence with them cannot be overlooked. The first victim is my mother. Since we’re both working and I’m also studying, our only bonding time is during meal time. Yet I tend to eat quickly so that I can hide myself in my cave to do my assignments or watch my online dramas. It’s a constant challenge to sit in the living room with her to watch the ongoing dramas on television because I would have finished watching them online months ago. Actually, today’s devotion on Mary and Martha with Jesus convicted me as well. Both were playing the roles as good hosts. Martha prepared food while Mary joined the conversation with Jesus. It would be very inhospitable and rude for Mary to join Martha in the kitchen and leave Jesus in the living room all by himself! Was Jesus supposed to entertain himself? She had to be there. Her presence was important to her guest. That made me realize that my presence is important to my mother. May the Holy Spirit enable me to be more hospitable to the one who is closest to me.