But God is the Strength of my Heart...

But God is the Strength of my Heart

My heart went for a roller coaster ride this week. She was tossed up and down, left and right, 360 degrees clockwise and anti clockwise. I'm still amazed at this moment that I'm still sane and intact. I believe it's God coz only He alone can hold my heart intact.

"My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." Ps 73:26

Tue - Jingyun's visa was not approved. Ps Kaori and I had to go to her place at night after my class to comfort her. I was worried but my heart was light.

Wed - Jingyun went to meet her lawyer. Decided not to fight law suit. Just apply for it again after giving birth. Thank God she is trusting in God still. She now decides to obey God and follow his will. If God wants her to return to China ultimately, she's willing to and will not blame God. I was glad.
- Had patchwork class from 10am till 2pm. Ps Kaori wants to go Kamikochi with me end of this month. So we went to JR tour agency to book our train and bus ticket. It's a one day trip. I was overjoyed.

Thur - Called Jingyun at 9am. She was calm and not agitated anymore. She has also surrendered everything to the Lord.

I taught from 10am to 12pm. My students are supposed to sing a song for "Ladies Autumn Brunch" in Oct. So we practised the song "My all in all". Only one student appeared for my Advanced class that day. She wanted to sing songs only. So, for the first time, we had English lesson with the piano, singing worship songs.

I want to thank God for this. He knew I was drained and dry and needed to worship Him badly but I couldn't make it early in the morning. So, He gave me this opportunity to in the midst of lesson.
- had another class at 8pm. One of the students is Manami, 19, another suicidal girl. You can see the distinct cuts she collects on her wrists. She's sooooo skinny and fragile looking. Prompted by the Holy Spirit, I selected a short article from an out-dated Daily Bread for that lesson. We had a good time playing games and doing bible study. My heart is light again.

Friday - In the morning, just before my 2nd class, my friend told me Miho's dad had a bad fall from playing golf. He had a brain stroke. He has just remarried less than a year and is living happily with his new wife. Miho's mom passed away a few years ago due to cancer. I haven't contacted Miho for quite a while because she's been attending another church for 2 to 3 months. Too complicated to explain the long story.
Though I felt sad and worried, I had to control my emotions and continue teaching while my friend was going hysterical as she told me the incident. It was as if I could switch on and off my emotions. So scary.

Immediately after the lesson and only during lunch did I allow myself to feel sad and worry for Miho. I texted her during lunch.

- In the evening, just before my night class at 7.30pm, my friend texted me and told me that Miho's dad has passed away! So sudden! But once again, I had to lock my heart and put it on "switch off" mode so that I can concentrate on my lesson, played games and laugh as if nothing has happened, did bible study and sent my student off.
It was only after I went back to my room did I allow myself to grief. What is happening to me? Is this normal?Or is this self-control? Have I turned into a robot?
I texted Miho and sent her my condolences.
In the midst of all these, I was fully aware of Asami-san's kidney cancer operation. I prayed for him every time I remembered it. It was postponed from 2 pm to 4.30pm. The operation ended at 11pm. My pastor and wife were with the family most of the time.

Sat - Early in the morning, Ps Kaori texted me and gave me instructions for the day as she'll be too busy to contact me. Miho also replied to my text messages. I should be attending the funeral wake tomorrow evening with Ps Kaori.

Then Jingyun and her husband wanted to give me a sushi treat for lunch. We had a good time chatting and fellowshipping. It was the first time I talked to her Japanese husband. He's such a shy man but I tried my best to include him in our conversation. Jingyun and I were talking so fast in Mandarin. Haha. So I tried to use my broken Nihongo to entertain him. Hahah.

There were moments of happiness, when Ps Kaori and I went to book our trip, when my friends told me via the msn that they wanna come to visit me, when Jingyun chose to praise God instead of blaming him. There were also times of sorrow and grief, and a feeling of helplessess. But I want to leave them all at the altar and give God all the glory that He deserves. I'm still in one piece right now because He is the "strength of my heart".

Ok. Gotto go for my last class for the day now. It'll start at 4pm.